Tears of Frustration.

Excerpt from an email to a friend in Nashville:

"I had a really emotional conversation happen yesterday. A cut to the chase would be to say that I left work so angry after a light-hearted conversation that struck a deep personal chord. After work - I'm walking to my car with tears streaming down my cheeks and I was just mad. I was skipping around in my head about where to place the blame of why I was left feeling entirely unappreciated, underutilized, misplaced and undervalued at my job/company. As I finally reached my car, the long walk being the price one pays for parking in the shade, I wiped away my tears, opened my car door and just stood there staring at my leather driver's seat. I said out loud, "I'm just so angry. How did I get here?"

Then I got in - thoughts flooded over me... "It's your fault you're angry. YOU chose this job. These people [in the conversation] chose this as their career. They fit here. You don't. This isn't where you belong. This is not your passion. You aren't using your greatest talents. Choose differently."

With a swipe of my badge, the gate lifted and I pulled out of the parking lot. Immediately, I reached for my cell and called my friend Derek. He's a contractor and runs his own company. I said "hello", asked about his new born baby girl and then...dove in. I asked to do a bit of interning with him to learn the ins and outs of managing sub-contractors on rehab jobs. "What's your goal?" he asked. I described my desire to buy properties in Nashville, move in, fix up and rent them out - repeat. He's got tons of experience and said he'd be happy to introduce me to his current project - the building of his home here in Pasadena. I'll also be learning QuickBooks, which is becoming a must for minor accounting in the Executive assistant world.

I hung up after agreeing to burn a CD of pictures I took of his new baby girl and realized the anger was gone. Frustration, gone. I felt un-trapped. I felt like I had taken a step toward my future and I can't wait to get started. I can't wait to take everything I've learned working in 5 industries for 9 years and FLOURISH with them. I felt calm.

I really believe in Christian Existentialism - but along with that - I vacillate between quantifying my actions as patient and allowing for God's timing and opportunity, and that of simply taking whatever comes. I want to stay self-aware and pursue a significant life - AND CAREER - with genuine purpose and tenacity!"



by the way, this is Derek and his first baby - Leah.